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Take a look at these legs. Yea, that's right, I said go ahead and look. You won't find legs like this anywhere else down here. That's why they call me Ridicu-Leggz. They are out of this world! You must wonder, how did they manage to stay as nice as they are, while being down here? Well, part of it has to do with my life "up there". Here's the deal
I made my career out of being a show girl and a damn good one. I had the men drooling and wives hating me You would see me on the covers of magazines, newspapers, all the headlines stating "REE SHE'S GOT THE BEST LEGGZ IN TOWN" People from all over the world would come to see me perform, I was that good. You know I was SO good that I actually took out an insurance policy on my legs. Yea, that's right. INSURANCE, because you never know, right? Well, anyway, my life changed when this out of Towner came to visit. She thought she was all that, trying to take MY spot in the #1 show New York had ever seen. She was crazy, I tell you. She swore her legs were as good as mine. So, she auditioned. The directors loved her. I couldn't believe it! I tell you, NOBODY had legs as nice as mine! So, I had to do something about it. Little did I know, it would backfire on me. Yea, I admit, I tried to take her out, and she knew it. She got a thrill out of letting me know she knew. Every time my plan would backfire, she'd give me a sly little grin and laugh. Pretty soon, she was taking over my magazine covers, she had the men drooling all over her, while they treated me like a leftover piece of chicken. I couldn't stand it anymore. On opening night of a new show she got the lead part in while I was assigned to be a stage hand Can you believe it? A stage hand? Ugh. Anyway, I had the perfect plan. If I could get her to stand in just the right spot, I could drop the sandbag on her. It would be an honest mistake, I swear! There she was, standing right on the X. I pulled the rope. Next thing I remember is standing in this dark pit with a whole bunch of screaming people. Where was I, you wonder? Evidently, in hell! What happened? Well, It turns out "I" was the one standing over the targeted "X" on the stage. Which rope did I pull? The one that was standing directly over me. What a ditz, huh? Anyway, from what I've been told, the sandbag fell and squashed my whole body flat, except for my prized possession, my ridiculously beautiful legs! I suffered in the pit for a few days until one glorious day. One of Rizzo's main guys, Remy, saw my legs and just had to get me out of there. It felt great to be wanted again! I've been with Rizzo's crew ever since, and was donned the name Ridicu-Leggs by The Deadfather himself. Yea, I may not be a prize in Rizzo Martini's eyes, but I'm useful. I keep the crew entertained with my animated ways and I've managed to snag Remy Costa. I'm the light in his eyes, well, one of them anyway. Yea yea, I can get on his nerves sometimes, but I'm still high maintenance, what show girl isn't? What happened to the girl who replaced me, you ask? Well, she "broke a leg" that night, and never performed again. She is now in the pit enjoying plenty of heat and I'll be damned if any of Rizzo's boys are plucking her out. How'd she get here you ask? Well, one of the frustrated wives took her out along with her cheating husband. Payback is such a bitch!
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