| Lucifer "Pimpits Jones" |
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I am Lucy, OH! I mean, Lucifer “PIMPITS JONES”! Yes, it is I. I am the one who rules the depths of HELL. Not that sorry Salvatore Rizzo. Can you tell that I am pissed at the world? Well, I’m here to tell you that I am. I can’t stand the “Do-gooders” in this upper world. I’m due for a vacation to give them a reality check. I had met Percival, AKA, Minion, a few hundred years ago. Yes, he was the one who had seen the Holy Grail, and witnessed the powers of the Sword in the Stone. He was Arthur’s most loyal knight. But he was banished from the heavens only decades after his death. Why was he thrown from the heavens above us? He won’t even tell me, but he has sworn himself to me, by signing the scroll, even though he quivered in fear. I could’ve sworn I heard harps playing, but when I questioned him, he said he heard nothing. Well, as you’ll soon find out, I brought him back with me. He’s a handy sidekick. He’s especially good at foot rubs. Anyway, back to me, I am the one who rules this glorious underworld. And, luck so has it; I am due for another vacation! I am SO excited! Oh, and I purchased this new Speedo which looks absolutely FABULOUS on me! Oh…HA! Just kidding! Seriously, I went to Hell-mart and purchased a nice boxer type swim suit (with red fire on it!) Yea, I mean, I wouldn’t want everyone noticing this gorgeous body. I mean the whole reason I’m up “there” is to get people to take my side. I’ve got to be “professional”. Know what I mean? Yea, again, ANYWAY, continuing on. It is my mission to make sure that Rizzo does NOT take over hell. I have been the ruler down here for eons. Yea, yea, he’s good looking, clean cut, but he doesn’t have the strength that I have! You’ve got to have cojones to be able to handle these idiots in the pit. You can’t just fish ‘em out just because they look tough, which is what Rizzo is doing by the way. Oh yea, you didn’t know that? Yea, you see, he’s fishing ‘em out just to defeat me. Just to TAKE OVER HELL. Let’s play the violins, please, COME ON! He doesn’t know what he has in store, I’ll tell you that right now. Lucifer…ME. I have some tricks up my sleeve. You’ll find out exactly what I have up my sleeve at the show, The Living Dead Mafia. As well as in the next...Wedding Bells in Hell. He he, this is going to be good. I hope you join me! Remember, I know who you are. We all have some “dark” secrets among us. Oh, and by the way, coming to a town near you! Look out for the sunburned gentleman in a stylish Speedo in your area. He’ll most definitely be looking for you! 
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